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Gov’t declares war on vampires (robocalls by proxy)
Somebody at the FTC must have received a prerecorded sales call, because they’re finally making the practice illegal. As of Tuesday, September 1, it will be illegal for businesses to place unsolicited...
View ArticleWe thought only vampires cried tears of blood
A Tennessee teenager is either an extremely devout fan of True Blood or a scientific mystery. Fifteen-year old Calvino Inman has been crying out tears of blood on the regular, with no explanation as to...
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You Missed It: I’ve got a wooden stake edition
We are now less than a week away from Thanksgiving, and that means that you probably don’t care about us. You’re more focused on the feast ahead. We hear you. That’s why The Guys will be off until...
View ArticleNightstalkers are jaywalkers
It’s obvious that vampires are en vogue lately, thanks to Twilight and True Blood and the like. But in the midst of all this, we are forgetting the real issue here: vampires don’t actually like us very...
View ArticleMasterChugs Theater: ‘Let the Right One In’
Normally, we begin a hardcore look at horror movies in October; however, we’re making an exception for two reasons. The American remake of Let the Right One In, Let Me In, opens tomorrow. October...
View ArticleMasterChugs Theater: ‘Near Dark’
The best vampire movies are usually the ones which get rid of the ground rules. e.g. no garlic, no crucifixes, a stake in the heart can kill. In Near Dark, writer/director Kathryn Bigelow throws out...
View ArticleLyle’s a less-than-goth name
It happened in John Carpenter’s Vampires, it happened in From Dusk Till Dawn (and the plethora of direct to video sequels), it happened in Near Dark and it’s happening again in Galveston: Vampires....
View ArticleFamily doesn’t believe in death by ass
The former mayor of Hollywood Park, Bill Bohlke, was found dead last year. Despite the death being ruled as accidental, his family is having none of it. We assume this is because the investigators...
View ArticleStudy: Vampires are more afraid of your hate than sunlight
There’s been a lot of talk about sensitivity these days. We’re trying to become a more understanding and inclusive society, and that means giving minorities a say, and recognizing them as people. But...
View ArticleVampires are totally real, vampires say
Vampires walk among us, especially if we are in New Orleans. Apparently that place is crawling with them. At least that’s what John Edgar Browning, a postdoctoral fellow at the Georgia Institute of...
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Vampires need to step it up
Really, the first hit to vampires’ image was when they had to take jobs on children’s television. Between the Twilight media franchise and clowns now outranking spiders and losing your teeth in our...
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Vampire bats finally live up to badass name
You can’t trust a vampire until you sift through their feces. #science Of all the disappointing truths that ruin childhood, probably the worst — and yet most relieving — is that vampire bats don’t...
View ArticleA rise in night class numbers
Good news, students of Boston Latin School (located in Boston, oddly enough)! Your school does not have vampires roaming the halls, according to your headmaster. Rumors at the school have persisted...
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Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests
Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarianism Militia August 1, 2009 Meeting Minutes Attendance: 3,171, of which 3,101 were new members as of November 5, 2008. Icebreaker: Loudest gun mods and quietest...
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Gov’t declares war on vampires (robocalls by proxy)
Somebody at the FTC must have received a prerecorded sales call, because they’re finally making the practice illegal. As of Tuesday, September 1, it will be illegal for businesses to place unsolicited...
View ArticleWe thought only vampires cried tears of blood
A Tennessee teenager is either an extremely devout fan of True Blood or a scientific mystery. Fifteen-year old Calvino Inman has been crying out tears of blood on the regular, with no explanation as to...
View ArticleRomanian zombies clog up the courts
Romania is known in this part of the world for spooky stuff, mostly, vampires. But it turns out that the country has its share of zombies, too. And they are clogging up the legal system. Constantin...
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