Between the Twilight media franchise and clowns now outranking spiders and losing your teeth in our list of national fears, vampires need a win.
Even at their most recent “scary” peak in the ’80s and ’90s, it was more of a sexy Catholic guilty fear via Anne Rice and probably created more goths than goosebumps. (Also scarier than vampires in the ’90s? Goosebumps.)
You know how we know vampires aren’t scary anymore? People are entering a drawing to win an overnight Airbnb stay in Dracula’s castle.
They’ll sleep in velvet-lined coffins, completely unarmed. No garlic. No stakes. And the only cross they’ll bear is having an awkward dinner with Bram Stoker’s living relative trying to method act as Jonathan Harker.
Ten bucks says he plays him as Keanu Reeves.
Well, here’s your shot, vampires. Two free suckers, gift-wrapped and everything. Try not to get too much glitter and guyliner on their necks.