Of all the disappointing truths that ruin childhood, probably the worst — and yet most relieving — is that vampire bats don’t drink human blood. Well, now they do! [You can’t see us, but The Guys just fist-bumped through the heebie-jeebies.]
Biologists with one of the Top 100 Worst Jobs in the World discovered human blood during routine examinations of vampire bat feces instead of the usual bird blood. Seriously, though: you have look in the toilet after eating beets? Now imagine that with real blood, on the ground, in the Brazilian rainforest and with bats overhead. And, here’s the surprising part to us, it’s because they’re running out of birds to eat. In the rain forest. We don’t know if you remember The Rainforest Cafe in your ’90s mall of choice, but there was no avoiding birds. That’s a ridiculous bird shortage.
But, there’s a crazier story buried below why bats suddenly became the Ace of Spades in our War on Animals card deck:
Vampire bats, which live only in the Americas, feed by puncturing the skin of their prey with sharp incisors and lapping up the flowing blood, mixing it with saliva that prevents their gory meal from coagulating too quickly. Previous studies have shown that these bats don’t store fat in their bodies and can’t survive without food for more than a couple of days.
You guys! Now we know why vampires are always ripped!